Depression and Suicide

Okay.  So I know that my blog is supposed to be mostly funny and mommy stuff, but I want to talk about something very serious.  As you all know my dad passed away a couple months ago and well I haven’t really written much and for that I am sorry.  I think I haven’t been able to write much because I need to write about this.  Adult depression and suicide.  I think that this is something that isn’t really talked about much.  We talk about depression in teenagers and children, but not much about it in adults. So I am going to talk about it.  Depression is a very serious problem and something we shouldn’t take lightly.  I also think it is something that we should all be taught to watch for in a person of any age.  Not only do we need to recognize symptoms in ourselves, but in those around us.  I know a lot of people are really good at hiding it, but thats why we need need to learn to recognize the silent symptoms.   As adults we are taught to toughen up and suck it up, but sometimes that is not possible.  Sometimes depression just rips through us.  We start to feel hopeless.  Yes some of us pull out of it, but others don’t they feel so hopeless that want to end it all.  They think people would be better off or they would be better off or there isn’t anything left to fight for.  If you are reading this and you feel that way please ask for help.  There is someone out there who loves you and who needs you.  You may not have met them yet but they are out there.  You are here for a reason and this world needs you.  Please do not feel you need to suck it up or that you are weak in anyway because you are strong.  You are strong because you have been fighting through something that is so tiring and hard to work through.  Its okay to ask for help to share your burden because when a person doesn’t and chooses to take their own life nobody ends up happy and no one is better off.  The people in your life would never be better off without you.                                                                   Losing someone to suicide is very hard.  The feelings of guilt the people that are left behind have can sometimes be overwhelming.  You wonder how didn’t I know.  I should have known.  Then there is the feeling of why weren’t we enough to make you want to stay?  Its sadness, anger, and guilt all and one and its painful.  It literally hurts so bad sometimes you can’t breathe.  Logically we know that it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the person we lost to suicide and how they viewed their situation, but in our hearts it feels different.


I have posted a link for the suicide prevention lifeline website.  If you think you need help please ask know there are resources out there for you.

Wedding Planning..OMG

So I started wedding planning today and I can’t believe how hard it is or how expensive.  We were thinking of doing a wedding were we basically do everything and just rent the venue.  I’m thinking oh this will totally be cheaper than having it catered and what not…I think I was wrong.  I now understand why people hire wedding planners, but I definitely can not afford one of those.  I am on a super tight budget.  We are trying to plan this wedding for 2,000 or less. Which in my pre research days I would have thought that is doable.  I called  a winery down the street from where I live and asked for their pricing.  The lady was like we don’t charge for the space but you have to order 17,000 dollars work of food…Seriously she said that as if it was a completely normal price maybe even a good deal. I’m sorry…no…Am I the only one who feels I shouldn’t have to go into ridiculous amounts of debt to have the wedding of my dreams?  I can see now why so many people have started doing court house weddings.  I just don’t want that.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, its just not me.  I have been waiting to get married my whole life and have been with my fiancé for almost 9 years now.  Anyway back to the wedding planning.  The second place I called was even more money.  When I did all the math out it was like 19,000 dollars.  These prices are insane. After emailing and calling like ten different venues I decided I would have to go with a less conventional venue. So I called the VFW which caters btw.  I had no clue.  So its looking like a little over 1500 for food and the price of the reception space. Which is still insane.  I feel like nowadays we have to sell our souls to have even the smallest of weddings… Did I mention my pricing is only for 60 people including me and my fiancé and half of those are kids.  I can’t believe people actually spend a down payment on a house for their wedding.  I mean I am all for feeling like a princess and making it the best day, but for tea of thousands of dollars…No thank you.  If finding my reception venue and food was this difficult I am terrified to see how much hard and how much the rest will be.  marriage-923660_1280

Parenting from a non-parent

Okay.  So we all know the people who aren’t parents, but believe they can parent better than us right?  Most of the time these people don’t bother me sometimes they have good advise, but when I have disciplined my child(or one of the children I watch) do not tell me that my punishment isn’t okay because well he is a kid.  This drives me insane.  So today was a hot day and we have a pool at our complex well one of the kids I watched decided he was going to throw an attitude when his mom asked him to do something for her.  He mouthed off and tried to tell her what he was going to do.  Then he decided to take the gate to the pool and slam it shut not okay.  So his mother and I decided that since he did this so late in the day he would be punished for it today.  We grounded him from the pool for the day ( if it were winter it probably would have been video games).  He is ten by the way so he is old enough to know that he shouldn’t be slamming door and mouthing off.  So he is playing outside(I gave him a full water bottle and told him to come in in one hour so that he could cool off) and one of our friends asked if he wanted to go swimming.  He said that he couldn’t because he is grounded from the pool for the day.  Another neighbor decided to step in and tell the ten year old that this is not right he shouldn’t have to serve his punishment today because its hot out…I’m sorry but since when is serving your punishment determined by the weather?  I was livid.  How dare someone tell him that his being punished is not right?  Especially when he has no clue why he is punished.  So I had my friend watch all the kids and marched down to the pool.  I was so ready to give him a piece of my mind.  I mean I was so mad that I didn’t even put my shoes on.  When I got there I asked one of my friends if he knew what was said..he didn’t he only heard part of it.  The part where this other person said It isn’t right.  So by now I was calm and I walked over and told him that it was not okay for him to tell one of my kids(meaning any child I am watching) that it isn’t right for them to be punished.  He asked me what he did and I explained.  He then proceeded to tell me that I should make him serve his grounding another day.  I told him know he needs to learn to think before he acts and is disrespectful to adults.  This guy then told me well he is a kid he doesn’t think.  I just said please don’t do that again because in a way you are stepping on my toes and walked away.  Am I the only one who thinks it completely ridiculous that he thought because he is a kid he shouldn’t have consequences for his actions and if he does that they should be determined by the weather? no thank you

Potty training…oh boy

So he peed on the floor.  Yup right in front of the potty. He wasn’t even two inches from the bowl and he peed.  This is how good potty training is going.  If you read my post Welcome toddler you will know why I am potty training my almost 16 month so early.  Now my little man feels the need to take off his diaper every time he poops…How fun for me.  So we broke down and bought a potty.  Its a super cute mickey one that has a handle you push and it screams HIP HIP HOORAY!!! Anyway he has pooped in it three times already.  That is one point for mommy.  A funny side note after poop number one my fiance realized that we have to clean out the potty.  His reaction was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.  He just thought it was the grossest thing he has ever seen.  I took pictures because I was so excited.  I don’t think either of our parents enjoyed that picture very much.  Back to the potty training part.  Right now we are just working on pooping in the potty and it actually isn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.  He yells potty and pulls at his pull-up to let me know he has to go.  I had to switch to pull-up because he likes taking off his diaper.   I have a feeling that part two of our potty training journey won’t be so easy.  My son really enjoys peeing on peoples floors.  When we went to see my family this past week he peed on my grandparents carpet and on their bathroom floor.  Can I just say that his whole infancy he only peed on me twice now he has peed on my floor, in the bath tub, on other peoples floors. One hard part is keeping him on the potty the whole time because he tries to look at himself.  He literally toppled off the toilet.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  I have helped potty train many girls, but never any boys.  I don’t think anything could have prepared me for that little happening.  This potty training thing is going to be a trip!!!



Don’t Marry your birth plan

The number one biggest mistake I made while pregnant was being married to my birth plan.  I have no clue what I was thinking at all.  I had literally five pages to my birth plan.  I actually wouldn’t have made a birth plan at all if I didn’t feel like my doctor wasn’t listening to what I wanted, but that is a different story for a different day.  Back to the birth plan in my head everything was going to go as I planned there was no way it could go off course…I swear when I was pregnant everything I learned about pregnancy and children fell right out of my head.  We all know how well babies follow the plans we have for them.  I was going to labor mostly at and then the rest of the time in a tub at the hospital, I was going to give birth in my clothes not a gross hospital gown.  I planned on having no medication at all and using hypno birthing techniques, which are amazing by the way.  I was going to give birth sitting up not lying down no matter what the doctor tried to talk me into.  I was so idealistic before I actually went into labor.  I managed to labor at home from 1 am until about 12pm went to the hospital for a little bit, went home then back to the hospital.  I did labor for a few hours in the tub which helped with the pain.  Then I used some Hypno techniques.  I had this Scottish nurse who helped she was amazing!!!  So far everything was going as planned.  Then I hit hour 24 I was so tired I asked for the epidural.  It wasn’t bad I was still going to have a vaginal birth and that is all I really wanted.  Well about 5 hours later the doctor comes in wakes me up and tells me I have to have a c-section because the babys heart rate was dropping.  I was terrified.  I did not plan for I c-section.  I didn’t do any research because I had already decided that there was no way I would need one.  I should have at least done a little research.   The worst part of the c section was not being able to feel my feet.  I’m not kidding even a little bit.  I was freaking out about not being able to feel my feet.  I felt like I had failed my son because I wasn’t able to have a vaginal birth, which is silly because what does he care how he got here?  It took awhile for me to stop feeling like I failed in the giving birth department.  My fiancé was constantly telling me how proud he was and how amazing I am for going through it, but I didn’t feel it.  I think a lot of my feeling bad had to do with all the pressure I put on myself to stick to that plan.  The biggest piece of advice I could ever give when it comes to labor and delivery is to NOT marry your birth plan.  We as woman are doing an amazing thing growing a little human inside of us.  We should not put all that extra pressure on ourselves.  I mean making a birth plan can be very helpful especially if you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you.  When you do write it out if you so choose just leave room for some things or all things to change.  Use it as a guideline not a rule because if not you could end up pretty disappointed in yourself even though you just did an amazing wonderful thing.  You performed a miracle and for that we should be proud.  How that miracle was performed doesn’t matter you still created life.


Keeping a clean home

How do you mommies do it.  You know the mommies whose houses are always so clean it makes you feel like you are failing miserably at this whole stay at home mommy thing.  I mean I try so hard to keep my house clean and organized but no matter what I do I feel like my house is always a mess.  If I do get my house clean I swear it last like 30 seconds.  I try cleaning out my closet and getting rid of the extra papers I have shoved here and there.  I swear every time I go to donate my clothes I get rid of three big trash bags, but does my closet seem any less full NO!!!!  Does it seem like I’ve thrown out the extra paper Nope.  I think there are little clothes elf’s running around my house putting more clothes in my closet after I clean it out.  Then little paper gnomes come and throw paper right where I cleaned.  Then there is trying to keep my kitchen table cleaned (Its right by the door)  The second we walk in everything gets plopped right there on the table.  My wonderful fiance is great for leaving his lunch box on the table with everything still in it.  I swear that the only room in my house I can keep clean is my sons room…How does that make sense???  You mamma’s who have your home clean 24/7 are like wonderful goddesses of home making I aspire to have a home like yours.  Don’t even get me started on laundry I mean how much dirty laundry can three people have.  The second its all don’t the basket fills right back up.  I can’t even imagine how you momma’s with 3+ kids do it.  My wonderful mother inlaw is one of those mommies who can keep a clean house with four kids running around.  I want to start really working to organize my house but I just have no clue where to start or how to get rid of that clutter that those little gnomes keep piling on me.  Do any of you mommies have this same problem?  Are any of you Goddess mommies reading and do you have any suggestions for us frazzled momma’s out here trying but failing miserably at keeping our home clean? chaos-227972_1280

Mommy Shaming

Okay ladies something that I want to talk about  today is mommy shaming.  Its seems like no matter what we do someone has something to say from the moment we get pregnant.  You aren’t married?  Don’t you think 24 is a little young to start having kids?  Don’t you want to establish yourself first?  Or your 40 don’t you think you are a bit old to be starting a family?  You are drinking coffee while your pregnant?  You are going to listen to your cravings?  Your not using medication?  You had an epidural?  You’re having a home birth?  The list goes on and one.  Its terrible why do we treat each other this way?  Aren’t we all mommies?  Aren’t we all trying to do our best.   The above named questions aren’t as bad as the post baby ones.  OMG you didn’t breast feed?  Thats not okay you really should be its the best thing you can do for your baby.  Or well you should have tried harder with the breast feeding your baby doesn’t need to eat that much in the beginning so its okay.  You should have just tried harder.  I have actually had that happen.  I had those words said to me.  I’m sorry I did try the milk just wasn’t coming and either way it is my choice not anyone elses if I choose formula or breast milk.  Just like it is for anyone else.  I understand it may be better for the baby but we dont know peoples circumstances to be judging why they did or didn’t breast feed.  Then there are things I see here or there about women who had C-sections.  Again we don’t know peoples circumstances.  I had a c-section and if I hadn’t my son probably wouldn’t be here.  The next thing I see mommies shaming each other for is having their son circumcised.  I saw a post one day were a woman told mothers they were bad parents because they chose this for their child, but in her next post wanted people to except her for breast feeding in public… I am in no way saying women shouldn’t feed their babies in public I am a firm believer that your child deserves to eat when they are hungry without having to be shoved into a bathroom.  I just thought it was funny that she didn’t want to be shamed but in the next post was shaming someone else.  I just think that we should all be supporting each other and helping each other.  Us mommies are all going through the same stuff we are just dealing with it in different ways.  So lets feed our babies how and where we want, Lets take the epidural if we need it Lets have our babies where we want to, Lets circumcise our sons if we want to and last and most important lets support each other because we go through some pretty crazy stuff from the second we find out we are pregnant!!


mommy love

Welcome toddler

Okay so with my first few post I might seem pretty put together.  Well that was before my little guy became a toddler.  Once my son hit 13 months everything changed, he started hitting, biting, throwing tantrums.  Now I feel like my head might explode.  Don’t get me wrong he can still be sweet and cuddly but when he is acting up he goes all out.  The story I am going to tell you now is more gross and funny than about his tantrums.  So I let my son play in his bedroom while I’m cleaning cooking ect.   One day I was cooking dinner and stopped to check on the boys well I am glad I did because my son was sitting there with his diaper off and at first I was like you are a goof…Then I saw his hands the were covered in poop….Yes poop well before I could pick him up he stuck his hand in his mouth.  I almost puked it was so gross.  I couldn’t believe what I just saw.  After my initial disgust I started laughing.  I couldn’t stop.  I’m not sure if I was laughing because it was funny or because I was having a slight panic attack because my son ate his own pooh…I thought that this was some weird thing that doesn’t happen often.  So I got on the computer and typed what to do when your 13 month eats poop.  Well come to find out its normal a lot of toddlers eat their own poop…ewww I know.  Why do people not tell us about these things?  Maybe because it is embarrassing.  Well I am going to share and talk about the embarrassing stuff with you guys maybe it will save us a lot of phone calls to the doctor and a lot of time worrying if something is wrong because our children did something like eat/ play in their own poop.  I still laugh about it because I think it is kind of funny, still really gross but definitely funny.  Do you guys have any stories you would normally be to embarrassed to share?

What to buy before baby


I love to save money and a great way to do that is to prepare before your little one even arrives.  I decided to make a list of some things that helped me save money my little guys first year.  So you are having a baby!!! Congratulations.  Well there are a few things I would like to recommend. The biggest and most important would be to stock up on diapers of all sizes.  I bought my diapers and wipes all before my son was even born and they lasted until he was 9 months old.  My total spent for the 1st year was 192 don diapers and 65 on wipes.  If I hadn’t stocked up we would have spent so much more.  I went to Costco when they were having a huge sale on diaper.  I bought one box of NB,  two boxes of size 1, two boxes of size 2, and Three or Four of size 3.  I had around 2 thousand diapers when he was born.  I also bought tons of wipes when I found them on sale.  I didn’t stock up as well on wipes as I did diapers, but I did buy two boxes of 1160.    The next thing I would say is to make sure you sign up for all the freebies possible.  They have free baby slings, boppy pillows, formula samples  like similac and enfil.  Even if you plan to breast feed I would still sign up for samples.  I planned on breast feeding and ended up not producing any milk and having formula on hand was very helpful.  I would also recommend stocking up on breast milk bags if you plan to breast feed.  Next swaddles they will come in handy for the first couple months until your little one can break through them.  If you plan on letting your little on use a BoBo AKA pacifier then I would buy two or three different types because your little one may not like one.  Mine didn’t I went through three BoBo’s before  i found one my little guy loved.  The same goes for bottles your baby might not like the shape of the nipple or the bottle so I would try to get a few different kinds.  I believe you  can sign up for some bottle samples too.  Those are the essentials I can think of.  Do you have any recommendations?



aren't we all